The up side of the bipolar swing is like a happy puppy jumping at you. It comes sudden and unexpected, jumps in your arms and starts licking your nose. You laugh, you’re not sure what to do but you don’t mind because your arms are hugging and your heart is full. You savor the moment, you don’t want to let go of the happy puppy. But the puppy can’t stay still and soon will jump from your arms.
The down side of the bipolar swing is like a silent spider slowly building its web on your back. It creeps and crawls along your spine until it reaches your neck where the web gets heavier and heavier. You cry, you long for sweet annihilation of the self. You want nothing more than sleep and complete oblivion. Your heart feels like an empty cave echoing the whispers of your lonely mind. And still the spider builds its web, although some parts of it seem to crack and crumble, almost invisible.
Endless Vicious Swing
The happy puppy will come back and destroy the spider web with loud excitement. But the puppy will leave again, and the silent spider will get back to work. “Where is the balance that shall break the endless swing of ups and downs?” you wonder. “Where is the magic hand that shall break the spell?”
Copyright © 2017 Sandrine Spycher. All rights reserved.